Bucket List checkoff: Skydive

I'll let the pictures speak for themselves.

There are more pictures on my facebook profile, if you're interested.  Or whatever.

Bucket List Has Begun!!!

Just a quick update for all those out there who really give a hoot (that is a very select few), but I've begun my very own bucket list.  Some are pretty crazy goals, some are relatively easy to accomplish.  That's not the point.  And know that this is not the end of my bucket list, it's just the only ones I could come up with at the time.  I'm tired.  Shut up.  Don't judge me.
:D

On Second Thought...

You know what?  I was just SUPER bored (it tends to happen a lot), and I happened upon my brother's bucket list.  I've known about this for a long time, but it was the first time I've read through it.  It was inspiring.

Don't let it go to your head, Jordan.

So, as of right now, I am in the process of creating my very own bucket list.  Stay tuned....

But really, it'll probably take awhile...

Musings II

Well well well.  Here we are at last.  I've dusted off the old thinking cap and now it's back to square one... or two.  I believe we're on two.  What does the title say?
So, if you're just currently joining us for the first time, let me give you fair warning.  What follows will not likely make a whole lot of sense to most, if not all who read these blogs.  These are, as it states on my blog title, the Messed-Up Musings of myself, the one and only Chazzeluh the Grand.
Every so often (and by every so often, I mean not really that often) there are special blogs posted entitled "Musings".  If you'd like to see Musings I, simply scroll down to find it.  There's no need to read it to make more sense of this, the prequel of said Musings, seeing as this doesn't follow the typical linear method of writing as you would expect in a series of entries.  No, these are simply as random and quizzical as their title declares.

Let's begin, shall we?

1.   Life is so much better when it's boring.  No drama.  No risks.  But it isn't half as interesting.  Double-edged sword.  Consequences to every action, my friends.  You can't have the cheese without the cow.  Or the curdling process of the milk.  That's beside the point.  The real point I'm trying to make is boredom is safe... but that doesn't change it from being boring.

2.   College?  Total scam.  Don't get me wrong, I love college.  It's exciting to be master of your own learning process.  However, that's just what it is.  YOUR learning process.  I've noticed that, more often than not, we go to class not necessarily to be taught, but to review what we taught ourselves.  I don't know about you, but I think I could have done most of that on my own without spending thousands of dollars on tuition and all the stress of having tests.  Think about it.  Sure, you learn the occasional tidbit here and there while listening to lectures, but most of your learning comes from your manpower (or womanpower, don't start with me.)

3.   Speaking of double-edge swords, job hunting is the worst!  I can't tell you how many times I've filled out an application to see it shut down, or how many job interviews I've very inconveniently dressed up for turn up unfruitful.  I blame Obama.  Come on, Prez!  Where's this change you were talking about so much on your campaign trail?  Sitting on your dresser at home in your glass mason jar?

                               "Aww, crap!  I forgot to cash that in when I went

                            to pick up groceries!  Welp...     

                                next time I guess."

Is this guy really fit to lead a country?  I guess we'll find out in November, right?

4.   I've really got nothing else to say here.  I just figured this list should contain at least 4 points to go off of.  Three is not a very strong standpoint.  What that standpoint is, I'm not entirely clear on... But we'll get to the bottom of this, I swear!

Listen, I told you it wasn't gonna make much sense.

New Year's Resolutions

Ok, OK!  So I realize that this is quite late for the New Year part, but it's still a resolution.  Besides, I legitimately started doing this on January 1st of 2012.  I just haven't gotten around to updating my blog as of recently.
So anyway, this resolution of mine is this: I realized that I had been slipping in journal upkeep the few weeks after I had returned home from my mission.  So my resolution is to continue to write in my journal every night.  So far I've done quite a good job, if I do say so myself.  So I'll keep you posted if there are any more earth-shattering new resolutions in the future.  This post is kinda boring and lame.  Oh well.  You'll get over it.

Ring out the Old, Ring in the New

Welp.  As most of you are aware, it is officially a new year. 新年快樂!  If you were wondering how I did that, with the whole Chinese text and everything, just know it took a series of long and strenuous google searches and complicated procedures.  Not to mention 2 years worth of working my butt off to learn this extremely foreign Asian language.  So I would appreciate it if you were impressed.  喜歡你在看的嗎?
Anyway, seeing as it IS a new year and all, I guess it's time for that New Year's Resolution stuff.  As I look around and see all these people saying things like,
                    "I'm gonna lose 700 pounds!" 
          and

"I'm gonna solve world hunger!", 

I tend to think 'Wow.  Those folks have got some serious perception problems here.' 

These resolutions are long term and short term goals that should be well thought out and have a specific plan to accomplish them.  For instance, losing 700 pounds is not a great goal, especially if your plan to achieve this insurmountable goal is to go on an all Wendy's diet.  Not to mention 700 pounds, even in 5 years' time is somewhat unrealistic.  Change it!
So, with that said, I'm going to legitimately give these New Year's Resolutions of mine some serious thought and pondering.  And when I'm done with that, I'll write it down in a place I know I'll see very often, if not daily.  They'll be specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time constrained.  S.M.A.R.T. goals, if you may.
所以,我就想要訂一些目標會讓我改進. 好了嗎?

2012?

                          Apocalypse???     

Bring it on.

P.S.   I'm sure most of you noticed a very heavy missionary influence.  I'm still trying to 習慣, ok?

Two Years to Go

Alright.  The final unveiling.  So I had worked on this little poem project my entire mission.  I decided near the beginning that I wanted to write a poem as I went along, so each section (paragraph I guess you could call it) was written at the time that it was about.  Does that make any sense?  I hope so.  My English is horrible.  You'll figure it out.  Here it is.  Hope you like it.

TWO YEARS TO GO

First day over, it felt so long.

Could the decision I made possibly be wrong?

My vision blurs, my mind is jarred,

I never imagined it would be this hard.

I miss my friends, I miss what’s gone,

But most of all I miss my mom.

I start to doubt, fear floods my mind.

Two years is a very long time.

I'm overwhelmed to take it all,

Slowly the tears begin to fall.

It’s all too much, I wanna go home.

I feel so afraid. I feel so alone.

But then I glance at the tag on my chest.

I notice something I must have missed.

I tiny detail I hadn't known,

Christ's name is placed below my own,

For he's always there to bear us up.

He knows, He drank our bitter cup.

My faith returns, the tears don’t flow.

First day down, two years to go.

Four months in, first movecall gone.

I can’t believe how fast it’s flown.

My body aches, I’m soaking wet,

It's still not time to go in yet.

I start to think how life would be

If I were at home with my family.

I'll get to talk to them in a bit...

But then I force my mind to quit.

Those thoughts can't dwell, I must be brave,

There are people out there! Souls to save!

I don’t know Chinese, it’s so hard to wake up.

I wish I were made of sterner stuff.

But I push that aside. I can't focus on me.

I've just got to change into who I need to be.

There's so much to do, so much to know.

First movecall down, fifteen to go.

Summer's gone, November is here.

It's already been a year?

I think I've finally gotten in to the swing of things.

I still can't believe I speak Chinese.

The times have been good, but some of them rough.

I give it my all, but is it enough?

I've begun to see what they mean by “the work”

Polished to beat shoes, white to grey shirts,

Yelled at by strangers, getting hit by cars,

I'll admit, there are times it still seems too hard.

Haven't really had a chance to relax in awhile.

Beat up, battered, and yet still a smile.

Always moving from place to place,

Leaving behind friends, it can be tough to face,

But I feel like I'm changing as time presses on.

I've become Elder Gluch, the old me is gone.

I am still myself, but that self has matured

From what I've experienced, from all that I've learned.

Responsibility, diligence, obedience and more.

I'm excited to see what God has in store,

For I still haven't learned all that I need to know.

One year down, I still get one year to grow.

I cannot believe my eyes.

My final movecall has arrived.

Did someone set the clock to fly?

What happened to the time gone by?

I'm not sure how to think or feel.

You must be joking, this can't be real.

I swear I just began my time.

Looking forward, Taiwan was mine,

But in the blink of an eye, that time is gone.

Is two years really all that long?

Now looking back, I start to see

The important things we need to be.

Worthy, obedience, and diligence taught.

Soldiers in the army of God.

Fulfilling our purpose to bring others to Him.

Never letting your light grow dim.

But I also look back, see my flaws on the path,

Regrets I wish I didn't have.

I was not perfect, I freely admit,

But I tried, oh I tried, and I did not quit.

I fell quite a bit and I lost my aim,

But Christ was there to dust me off and say, “Try again.”

There is one thing that I've come to see,

It isn't the tag that makes a missionary.

It's who we are and what we do

That makes a servant of Christ out of you.

And just because this tag will not be on my chest

Doesn't mean that I'll stop, doesn't mean that I'll rest.

For what you reap is what you sow.

My mission down and life to go.

Ok, so it's been awhile....

Welp. It is almost 3 in the morning, and I'm sitting here in my bed just kind of pondering. Thinking about nothing in particular. Can't really sleep. Trying to find a good sense of direction in life, seeing as I just got home from serving a full-time mission for the Lord in 台灣 (that's Taiwan). Life seems a lot more scattered and a lot more complicated outside of mission life, let me tell ya. If you have any advice or tips, it would be gladly accepted, and probably even appreciated if you end up giving me stuff of legitimate worth. I also do plan on updating this blog with at least a couple of little things I've come up with over the years. Be excited.

Sometimes...

You've got to force yourself to shut the door
Until you're ready to come back and either
Open it up and try again or
Lock it and walk away.

Oh, Halloween, My Classy Friend...

In honor of All Hallows Eve (I don't even care if that's how you spell it, to be quite poignant), I decided to frighten little children. Such a grand time. But not to worry. The littlest were unscathed. I toned it down for them. Anyhow, I watched a very mind-bending movie tonight. It made my head hurt, but it gave me a fantastic idea for a little short story I want to write. Maybe I'll have time after the mish. I shall jot down several notes on the matter, and upon undetermined happenstance, at my arrival back home in a mere two years, I might just start it up again. I am feeling very strange and shall immediately go to bed. Good morrow.

Coca Cola Classic (Losers)

Me and my friend Spencer here will be leaving to the same mission on the same day, and we used to sing this song in 9th grade. We leave in a week and a half, and we were bored, so we recorded this little deely. Shweet.

Fool Me Once...

Shame on you.
Fool me twice,
And What the heck was I thinking?

Nice Guys Finish LAST

I don't care who you are or what you say or what you believe in, this is a fact that will obviously never die. Nice. Guys. Finish. Last. It will always and forever stay this way.



They say it gets better after high school, don't they? That girls will "grow up" and start looking for the nice guy to marry. You know what I say to that? It's BULL. If anything, it almost gets worse. Especially if you attend a little school called the University of Young Brigham. It's almosts like they're in a store, shopping for the best pick. High school is like Savers. Not much selection, kinda boring, old news. College, on the other hand, is like a Walmart Megastore. So many to choose from, they can't decide, so obviously they need to flirt with, date, and "get together" with as many as they can in as short a time as possible. It disgusts me, to be frankly honest. And I'm sick of the stereotype that men are the pigs. From personal experience, it's the other way around. Hate to break it to you... Oh wait. No I don't. I'd love to break it to you. When it comes to the good guys like me, we're relatively screwed no matter what, where, when, or how you put it.



So you know what I want? I want women to own up to it. I want them to admit it freely. I'd maybe have a little more respect for their decisions and whatnot if they could just admit to their flaws. Obviously they never, EVER will, but, hey, a guy can dream, can't he?

What Gender is a Computer?

[She is dumb]

This post is per Rob's suggestion.

A language instructor was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. "House," in French, is feminine - "la maison." "Pencil," in French, is masculine - "le crayon."
One puzzled student asked, "What gender is the computer?" The teacher did not know, and the word wasn't in her French dictionary. So for fun she split the class into two groups, appropriately enough by gender, and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or feminine noun.
Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer"), because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but they are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE THE PROBLEM.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won!

I completely disagree with the outcome, because to me, the men had a much stronger argument, it was worded more articulately, and besides, the teacher was female! Talk about biased. Let's just cross out that last sentence and write what we ALL know to be the truth. The men won.

[He is smart; therefore happy]

This here is the first mobile blog on this beautiful site. What a momentous occasion for me... And you all as well. Let us share in a moment of silence for respect please..................................................... Continue on.

Musings I

You know, lately I've been thinking (which is a bad sign already. Nothing good ever comes from my thinking.) Not really anything specific, either. Just... thinking. I've come up with some great thoughts as well.

1. Women are, and will forever be, as confusing as a box of gummy bears in the middle of the interstate. You don't question that fact. You may consider stopping to shout at the gummy bears,

"Hey! I don't understand!"

but to be honest, that wouldn't get much accomplished, and you'd probably get rear ended anyhow. If you were to shout that at a woman, however, the results would be far more catastrophic. Just say no. Acceptance is key to man's survival.

2. Boredom is still super not cool. Honestly, as a kid I used to think, "Oh man! Life is so boring! I can't go anywhere or do anything! I wish I were older!" If I had the technology, I'd go back in time and kick myself in the face. I mean, come on. Honestly. Who wants to grow up? Pardon my French, but it sucks goat cheese. You have responsibilities and commitments and all sorts of fancy-word things. Sure, you can drive a car, vote, buy dry ice and spray paint, and smoke (I don't, I swear), but it doesn't change that fact that you still don't have anywhere to go or anything to do. Being a kid rocks.

3. This ties in to number 2 above. Growing up is not all it's cracked up to be. Getting a job, going to college, finding a not-too-crazy-but-beggars-can't-be-choosers-because-all-women-have-that-side-to-them woman and marrying her, supporting a family, and teaching your kids not to be as stupid and screwed up as you were at their age are all super cool and everything, but at this point, I'd honestly just rather sit around playing Rock Band and doing stupid crap with friends. I can't, but it's what I'd prefer.

4. Facebook is somewhat overrated. I mean, come on. Seriously? That's one thing that I've gladly come to realize. It's cool and everything, but if you find yourself on it 23 hours of the day playing Farmville??, you'd best take a good hard look at your life, pal. Sure, it's cool to post pictures and talk with friends you haven't seen in awhile, but for the love of all that is good and clean in this world,

DO NOT post comments on every single thing in sight. It just gets annoying. And if you're talking to people on facebook that you could just as easily see in person any time of the day, do yourself a favor, get off your lazy butt. No one likes the Facebook stalkers.

5. iPhones are MOST DEFINITELY not overrated. End of story. (That means you, Nicole!!! Your phone will NEVER be as good as mine until you man up [or woman up] and purchase one for yourself. You'll thank me in the future. You're welcome.)

6. Chinese is hard. Harder than you'd think. There's no pattern like latin-based languages (English, Spanish, basically everything normal.) One word can also mean about 60 thousand different things. A simple sentence simply does not exist in Chinese. Take, for instance, the name Joseph Smith. 斯 密 約 瑟 傳. sī mì yuē sè zhuàn Can you read that?????? Yeah, I didn't think so. I even spaced out the characters so it would be easier to read. AND I put in the pronounciation (or pin yin, as it's called in Chinese.) And if you accidentally put the wrong inflection on any one of the words, you'll probably be calling your investigators a bunch of eggheaded cabbage brains or something weird like that. This language is gonna be hard, but I'm pretty stoked for it anyhow. In fact, I hope I DO call someone an eggheaded cabbage brain. That's my style.

7. Once again, girls are unpredictable and confusing.



That is all that I wish to share at this time. As I come up with more insights, I shall post them. Stay tuned for Musings II.

Caveat Emptor (Or, for those unsophisticated enought to understand this, Buyer Beware.)- If I have offended anyone with my musings, I'd like to say this:

SUCK IT UP

And move on. You chose to read this. You should've known better.

That is all.

First and Foremost...

I'd just like to say CONGRATULATIONS!!! on stumbling upon this blog. You did it! Now pat yourself on the back and move on, because it's not like it was that difficult. So anyway, to start, I'd just like to give a little about myself. Pictured below is me. This was not edited in any way. It's just me. You'd best get used to it. Cause that's how I am practically all the time. I'm pretty awesome like that.

Posted below this, however, is a relatively normal picture of me. You won't find many, so get your fill now. This very well may be the last normal picture you ever see of me.

This picture is my mission picture. You see, I'm leaving for the Taiwan, Taichung mission in 2 weeks. Why I started a blog merely 2 weeks before I leave, I'll never know. This blog will be, as the title proclaims, my messed-up musings. Most of these will probably never make sense to any of you, for they mean absolutely nothing to me either. If you DO perchance get these things, you should probably go see a shrink. Sorry. I'm rather blunt. Anyway, hopefully I get better at this, because right now I'm rambling. This post must end. And so it shall. I bid you all adieu.